Keep up with the relationship is the thing we need to do after having a dating event. Couples often have problems such as friction and disputes, and different couples have different ways to deal with it; some will actively try to communicate, some will make a lot of noise, and some will not ignore it. Not looking at it seems to avoid direct conflict, but in fact, these cold, alienated, and indifferent behaviors can also hurt your partner mentally and psychologically, which shows that this is not an ideal solution. Next, this article will analyze the causes and disadvantages of cold violence from the perspective of psychology.
Causes of cold violence
Common cold and violent behaviors, such as coldness, alienation, indifference, etc., can be summarized as “passive-aggression” (passive-aggression). “Passive aggressive behavior” has been regarded as a mental problem in the past. Although this has been repeatedly rejected by recent studies, this behavior is still absolutely unhealthy. However, have you ever wondered why you or your partner might perform these behaviors? Psychologists point out that there are two main reasons:
First, it is sometimes easier to use cold violence. In a relationship, if we are directly expressing dissatisfaction to the other party, it will be easier to cause the other party to resist; in addition, not everyone dares to express their thoughts and emotions directly to the other party. Moreover, in many scenes, such as family dinners and public places, direct conflict will make both parties feel embarrassed, and it is more likely to directly destroy the relationship and make it difficult to recover. In contrast, the use of cold violence does not have to directly express emotions and cause conflict, and it does not seem to make both parties feel too embarrassed, and the cost is lower. Therefore, many people use this method of expression to indirectly express dissatisfaction.
Second, the use of cold violence may be due to habit and character. When some people grow up, their parents, teachers, etc. may not encourage or allow them to directly express anger and other emotions; they may also have broken up their relationship due to quarrels and conflicts with their partners, so they can express their opinions directly or even directly conflict. Other methods have negative impressions. In addition, some people have a grudge about being controlled by others in their relationship or being inferior to their partners, but they dare not directly challenge the authority of the other person when they are unwilling to obey. These experiences will make people unaccustomed or unwilling to express their true feelings frankly and directly, so they turn to passive methods, such as ignoring each other, deliberately delaying, etc., to express dissatisfaction and anger towards their partners.
The disadvantages of cold violence
First of all, cold violence will not only harm our significant other, but also destroy mutual trust and hinder communication in the long run. Alienation and ignorance of the other side seem to resolve conflicts and avoid damage to the relationship, but in fact cold violence not only does not help really solve the problem, but also makes these people who love us innocently hurt by our bad habits, and thus feel confused and frustrated. . If these problems accumulate over time, I am afraid that one day the two sides will become unbearable, and even greater conflict will break out, leading to a breakdown in the relationship.
Moreover, the use of cold violence is detrimental to the mental health of children. As mentioned above, many people who use cold violence are because they were influenced by their parents in childhood. After observing their parents for a long time, they may mistakenly think that when they are dissatisfied with others, they should hide their negative emotions such as anger. They also think that it is healthy, normal and appropriate to use coldness and alienation, so they are also used to cold violence when they grow up. Dealing with interpersonal relationships and repeating the tragedies caused by parents with cold and violent handling of emotional relationships.
Of course, not everyone who is injured by cold violence will also use cold violence, and using cold violence is definitely not healthy for relationships. However, if we can understand the causes of cold violence by the other half and their feelings, I believe it can help everyone communicate, so as to get rid of cold violence and establish a healthier and sweeter relationship.
