The mentality for reading the message but not replying

Although everyone will not speak out, the truth is that we have priorities for different people or things. For people or things that we think are more important, we will choose to deal with them first; on the contrary, those relatively non-essential things will be left aside.

Of course, as a good educated person, in order to maintain a friendly relationship with everyone, I really don’t directly say to each other: “You are a bit low on my priority list, so I’m sorry! Wait until I really do. I’ll come back to you again when I am free.” Of course, this sounds very rude!

You are not as important as you think  or expect

The saddest thing is that you clearly understand that as an adult, everyone has their own priorities, and the reason why the other party not replying you is the imbalance in the priorities between you and your partner. To put it simply, you see the other party more important.

Some studies on intimacy indicate that responsiveness has a great influence on intimacy. The intimacy mentioned here generally refers to love, friendship, and family relationships. We have great expectations for these people, especially our partners, and expect them to respond to our emotional needs in a timely manner.

Imagine that when you need assistance the most, the other party fails to provide an immediate response to soothe your emotions; after some time, you have gradually calmed down and you are no longer so excited, and then you will feel a sense of alienation. If this continues, intimacy becomes difficult to maintain.

What should you do if you are getting a message reply?

First of all, does not read back really mean rejection? As mentioned above, it may be that the other party is just too busy with official business or failed to respond in time for other reasons; or the other party does not like to use information as a communication channel at all.

Learn to accept it

Acceptance means accepting the fact of being rejected, and accepting fully that you feel sad because of rejection. Some people are better and do not allow themselves to be sad, but forcibly controlling their emotions is a rejection of themselves. On the contrary, accepting that you can be sad for something is a sign of being kind to yourself (self-compassion).

From another point of view, we must learn to accept that human vision is narrow. The narrowness here refers not to physiology, but to thinking, as if we are looking at a point through a telescope all the time. Too much focus on something or someone will mostly lead to disappointment, because the world or others are never in our control.

For example, if you are a boy who loves basketball and dream of becoming your idol, Kobe Bryant dominates the basketball world, but your height is only 150 cm.

Under the constraints of innate conditions, if you still cling to this dream, you are destined to only be disappointed, because you can’t change this fact anyway. But even if you love basketball no matter what, there are still many other goals in life worth pursuing.

The same is true for establishing interpersonal relationships or finding a partner. When we are fascinated by an object, we will only see his goodness, and all your attention will only be on him alone, but from the perspective of a bystander.

When you are no longer fascinated by that person, when you look back at that experience, it’s actually not the same thing. The truth is like a friend who just broke up in love, often crying to death, heartbroken, and feel that in the future, he will be stuck in this low ebb and never be happy again. But when things pass, they can often be laughed off.

The subtext that has not been read back is that it may not be able to successfully establish a relationship, or that the other party wants to refuse to establish a relationship in a gentler way. If it cannot be changed, perhaps what we have to learn is how to accept this situation.