Relationship: How to Make Your Relationship Last Longer Happily
“Improve the marriage relationship” does not need to make earth-shaking changes, just get the details right to have a happy marriage. Including words used in conversations or quarrels, how often to compliment each other and show love, and even body movements and facial expressions… These are the foundations of what a marriage looks like.
Much of the early marriage research focused on the negative factors that hurt marriage. In recent years, some marriage experts have shifted gears to focus on which positive interactions can strengthen relationships, increase intimacy, and build stronger bonds.
1. Celebrate the little things in marriage often.
How do you respond when someone you love achieves or excels? “Guru”, indicating that you know the news? Appropriately show support? Or open a bottle of champagne, have a candlelit dinner, and send a big hug along the way?
Studies show that couples who always celebrate good times are also higher in loyalty, intimacy, trust and relationship satisfaction. In marriage science, the act of celebrating good news is called “storage capital,” a measure of how much positive energy a couple has stored in their lives. Simply put, we need to take a “big deal” approach to all the good moments in a marriage.
2. Positive interactions are always five times more frequent than negative interactions.
The researchers used videotapes to record the conversations between husband and wife, recording the positive and negative words and behaviors displayed by the two when they interacted, and then disassembled the code. They list things like laughter, touching, smiling, or complimenting as positive interactions, but also note behaviors that don’t feel good, such as eye-rolling, sneering, criticism, defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal .
When researchers at the University of Washington looked at the data, they found a surprising pattern. In stable marriages, couples have at least five times more positive interactions than negative ones. Once that ratio starts to drop, marriages are at risk. Therefore, after a negative behavior, it is not enough to just say “I’m sorry”, the number of positive interactions must be increased, so that the ratio between good and bad does not drop to dangerous levels.
3. Do not easily give up reasonable expectations for a “good marriage”.
Most counselors advise couples to lower their expectations for marriage and spouses. However, many recent studies show that having high standards for marriage is a good thing. A study by the University of North Carolina psychologist Donald. An important research study by Donald Baucom was to find out how “high standards (or even idealization) of various aspects of the marital relationship affect marital quality”. Sixty test couples had to fill out questionnaires about their personal expectations and how they communicated positive and negative feelings with their spouses.
The results are quite interesting. Those who have established standards, who genuinely want to be treated well, and who crave warmth and romance from their marriages, end up with the marriage they want; men and women who hold low standards—think You don’t deserve good pampering, communication, or no desire for romance—in the end, there’s no such thing as a marriage at all.
4. Find your Happiness.
Find happiness by yourself, don’t pass your happiness on to your spouse’s burden. Where does “happiness” come from? Scientists studied twins who were raised separately and found that even though siblings had different life experiences, their happiness levels were consistent. The findings suggest that a person’s well-being is genetically determined and predictable.
The happiness that people feel after marriage is actually only a small part. If calculated by the highest score of 11 points, their happiness level will only increase by ○. One point, the added part mainly comes from the joy of weddings and newlyweds. On average, most people’s life satisfaction after marriage is not much different than before marriage. The study concluded that a person’s personality affects his overall happiness, regardless of whether he is married or not.
Sex won’t solve all problems in a marriage, but it definitely helps. Even if you’re not very interested, the mere act of “intercourse” activates your body’s brain chemistry, releasing the pituitary hormones and oxytocin. These two are powerful boosters in the emotional connection between husband and wife.
Some studies have pointed out that problems in the workplace can make people less interested in sex life; unfair distribution of housework may also have an impact on sex life; heart disease, depression, diabetes, menopause, and side effects of medicine may all be Interfere with sex life.
Experts have some practical advice for couples struggling to rekindle their love and maintain their sex lives. Maybe you just need to stay away from the pressure of children and work, and it is a good way to arrange a fixed time for the two of you to go out on a date; maybe the first steps do not need to be too fast, you can hold hands, hug, etc., to restore the familiar sense of intimacy . In terms of location, a motel would be a good place.
Final Thought:
Marriage is not the end of love, but the continuation of love. It is a new way of life. If you don’t know how to manage it, you may not have long-term happiness.
If you are married now, might as well think about it, is the current day exactly the same as what you imagined before you got married? Does your significant other meet all your pre-marriage expectations?
