Is it bad to talk about Money When you are getting Married?

Talking about money is not a bad thing, and you don’t need to be embarrassed. Do not be afraid to talk about money between husband and wife or partners. Because a financial allocation mechanism that both parties have discussed openly and agreed on can help maintain a good relationship, definitely better than any emotional empty promise or the two sides are secretive about money and keep silent.

Talk about money when you are dating.

On the other hand, in the process of dating, many men and women think that “economic independence (after marriage)” refers to making money, spending and investing by themselves. But this idea is not entirely true: because, after entering marriage from love, if both parties still hold the attitude of “earn and spend by themselves”, it is often difficult for the two to move forward in the marriage ─ after all, marriage requires two If individuals work together, if they think that after marriage, they can still unconditionally maintain their own spending methods before marriage, it is easy for the two to have conflicts in getting along because of money issues after marriage.

Economically independent can be changed after situation changed.  

The so-called “economic independence” does not mean “economic selfishness”: to choose the ideal partner, of course, an economically independent individual is better, but in addition, both parties must also understand the money concept of marriage in the process of communication. It is “exchange of existence” and “shared commitment”. Otherwise, when a couple has a child, if one of them chooses to be a housewife or a house-husband, does she/he who “sacrifices career and income for the family” deserve to be able to rely only on her own past savings (or the other party’s “charity”)? side?

“Economic Independence” does not mean “economic selfishness”

The Western professionals I know, both male and female, even if they are powerful in the workplace, sometimes for the sake of their children, after mutual coordination and evaluation by the husband and wife, one of the husband and wife will leave the workplace “temporarily” to take care of the child’s growth- ─ Under such circumstances, the husband and wife must do a good job in the distribution of marital property.

Western couples are different from Asian couples.

The difference between many Asian or Chinese couples is that if a Western couple decides that one of them wants to take care of the children full-time, they will more clearly negotiate the “conditions”: most of the Western couples I know are very open and honest about the mentality of “financial management in marriage” ──I don’t keep a close eye on “talking about money”, and rarely say “I will support you for a lifetime” (whether you can do it or not is another matter of course), “Just give you the money to decide” and other emotional colors Strong commitment.

How to “talk about money well” between husband and wife?

Between husband and wife, partners, do not be afraid to talk about money. Because a financial allocation mechanism that both parties have discussed openly and has reached a consensus can help maintain a good marriage relationship, definitely better than any emotional empty promise, or the two sides keep silent.

First of all, manage your own income.

The first is “financial management separately”: husband and wife manage their own income, but the husband and wife share and jointly pay for household expenses, such as mortgage, insurance, utility bills, telephone bills, and so on. The second is “joint financial management”: the income of both husband and wife is first combined, after deducting expenses and joint investment, if there is any remaining part, it will be divided into two equal parts (or proportionally), and the husband and wife will invest separately. Interfere with the part of “respective investment”. The third is “one-man financial management”: one of the husband and wife is solely responsible.

Secondly, invest on your own.

In addition, because the principle of “non-interference in each other’s investment” was discussed first, in our case, it was more able to exchange investment ideas with each other – because I have a financial background in Royal Bank, and the current commercial law mediation. At work, I have a lot of exposure to financial management concepts, so my husband, who is an emergency physician in a hospital, will “discuss” his personal investments with me from time to time, but of course, in the end, it is up to him to make decisions. For the “personal investment” part, we insist on not entrusting the other party or outsiders, let alone investing for family and friends. The purpose is to “talk about money, but not hurt feelings for money”.

Thirdly, have a moderate but not excessive “sense of crisis”.

Finally, with regard to “marital wealth management” or “marital property distribution”, both parties must have a “moderate sense of crisis”: the so-called “crisis sense” refers to a family formed by both parties, and there must be a proactive financial plan. (For example, the epidemic that unexpectedly hit the world this time); also if the two sides decide to separate or separate for some reason, will there be an impact on the economy (especially with regard to children’s parenting).

But it is also important that the “sense of crisis” must be properly controlled: if the level of anxiety about money has become so serious that it is difficult for (both parties or one party) to enjoy life peacefully, then they should discuss and communicate with each other to reduce anxiety. The most important principle among them is to remember not to impose your own money concept on your love partner or marriage spouse, and never interfere with the economic distribution of the other party’s family of origin. Such a lack of communication and independent space caused by an excessive sense of crisis will only make the contradictions and conflicts between oneself and the other party, and even family members, intensify.