How to Communicate with your boyfriend and girlfriend?

When you go to speed dating in Hong Kong, do you realized that some people have a lot of negative emotion when talking to you? You don’t want to talk to a person who is very emotional, do you?If you marry someone who doesn’t deal with emotional rubbish, this is the same as the accumulation of rubbish at home. “Emotional rubbish” piles up to harm oneself and others, because no one likes to look at the other half with a sad face.

Don’t rush to speak when you want to communicate

Before making important communication with your partner, you also need to spend time thinking carefully. If it is a very important communication, it is best not to speak in a hurry. You should think a little bit about it first: how to do this and how to talk about it? How can I state it as my own needs, ask the other party for help, and what should I give back after helping? How to distinguish each other’s boundaries? How not to criticize and judge the other party? These all require thinking. Sometimes I can’t think of it for a day, and sometimes I even ask others to help discuss it.

How to digest emotional garbage?

First understand self-awareness. To digest emotional garbage, you must first understand how to “self-aware.” Self-awareness is a kind of ability, not everyone has it. Self-awareness means knowing: “After the other person said something, my mood is bottomed,” and I have the ability to continue asking myself: “Why am I in a bad mood? what is the problem?”

The so-called awareness is to carefully consider and digest these thoughts. If you skip this action, your wife will definitely blame the big quarrel directly, and your husband doesn’t know what the wife is up to, but directly thinks that the wife hates going back to her mother-in-law’s house.

Sometimes I suggest that everyone write down the emotional language carefully, and then think: “He said that, do I have to think like this? Is there any other way to go?” In the emotional thinking of this lady, it seems that every sentence It’s all scary and hurtful. But if you can find other ways to interpret, tell her true feelings, and seek ways to cooperate, you will have the opportunity to solve the problem together.

Observe your emotions and face your fears

We all need to cultivate the two habits of “observing our emotions” and “faceting our fears”, with the purpose of repairing our inner fears. When most people communicate, they presuppose that if I confess my weakness, the other person will step on the painful spot and continue to attack me, so I am afraid to express my fear. But unexpectedly, in an intimate relationship, if one person honestly expresses his fears, the other party’s offensive tends to ease down.

An effective communication attitude is to express your own needs, such as: “I hope you can help me in this way”, “I will be very grateful if you want to”, without assuming that the other party should satisfy us; do not blame, but let the other party Know how we feel. However, you should not presume that the other party must cooperate just because you feel this way. The attitude should be: “If you can help together, I will be much better.” “If you can’t help me, then I will work hard, but I may recover more slowly.” If you often communicate like this, the relationship will not It’s like a garbage dump!

Make the relationship clear

In fact, the biggest difficulty of an intimate partner is: because the relationship is close, it is easy to blur the emotional boundaries; the two parties are also easily affected by the other’s emotions, and even when facing each other’s negative emotions, there will be a sense of anxiety in their hearts. .

That kind of anxiety is like feeling: I should do something to make the other person’s mood better. If the other person is in a bad mood, it seems to be very irrational or selfish to do something that makes you feel happy or fun.

Therefore, when the other party is in a bad mood, we are easily affected and even feel as if we should make the other party better. Therefore, we may be cautious or do something to increase the interaction with the other party. This may also make it easy for the other party to throw their emotional responsibility on us, and in the end I will be like this. It is all your fault!

Practice expressing your feelings with each other

When both parties are calmer, practice telling each other how you felt at the time. When expressing your feelings, you can try to say one more sentence to understand the other person: I know you seem to be in a bad mood today, and I care about you very much… Then, tell the other person how you feel and let the other person know that when he treats you like this, in fact It makes you very uncomfortable.

Sometimes, some people are angry and picky at their intimate partners, which is actually a kind of coquettish expression. Sometimes when we are not good at expressing our emotions and vulnerability, we will instead express our needs in an angry way.

Of course, you can try to understand this, but it does not encourage your significant other to use this method. While expressing your feelings, you can also ask him: What can I do to make you feel better?

Respect each other

When I decide not to respond to your needs first, it is also that I respect myself and not force myself to do something out of fear and responsibility. Of course, I can also respect others, not to force others to respond to my needs, and even use it as a proof that others love me or not.

When I get rid of the emotional responsibility, pressure and my fear and anxiety that I was forced to bear, I can truly feel the pure love, whether it is for others or myself.

Therefore, the three suggestions mentioned above do not have to be done, especially the third point. You can decide whether you can do it or not according to your own situation.

Remember, you have a choice, and this choice is not selfish, but because you respect yourself. Only you respect yourself, others know how to respect you, and you can respect others better.