As an introvert person, I used to be very superstitious. And now I know, if you want to make good friends ( boyfriends and girlfriends), you need to develop more interests. I also believe that people with more interests must have more friends. However, after I started to learn more about chat and expand my life circle, I found that things were not as easy as I thought.
Learn to Communicate with others
When I was a student, in order to improve interpersonal communication skills, I was very keen on learning psychology. There was a group practice between classes. My classmates and I had to help each other review the goal setting, and then go through a series of questions and answers to make the goal clear.
I still remember that I was practicing against a married house manager who has two children in the family, so his goals are related to performance and family. At that time, because of my longing for love, my goal was roughly focused on how to make a girlfriend.
Guess what, did this team member and I become friends? The answer is NO. Although we can chat and discuss between classes, the values of each other are too different. Although we are both interested in psychology, because our original intentions of learning are different, the chat is naturally not enthusiastic, and we did not stay after class. Then I lost my contact information (later I became friends with other group of students).
What are your interests?
Let’s take another example of friendship. The organizer will definitely ask you to fill in your personal card during the meeting. In addition to your professional constellation, you must also attach your hobbies, etc. This is what I have seen too many people write.
Boys: sports, fitness, running, reading, investment
Girls: food, travel, movies, cats and dogs
Some men and women consider that they may have the same interest as the other party and are more likely to open up the topic, so they will deliberately write on topics that the other party may be interested in, and it will become the following.
Boys: food, travel, movies, cats and dogs, sports
Girls: sports, running, food, travel
What do you think is the proportion of these men and women who have a common interest in chatting together? Can two people who have never been acquainted with each other really have a conversation just because they have a common interest?
Some smarter people will immediately realize that maybe the interest is too broad. If fitness is subdivided into three, movies are embodied as dramas, and cats and dogs are embodied as shorthair cats and corgis, right? Is there something to talk about?
Do you like movies?
In terms of movie chat, suppose you and the girl you like have both watched “Titanic”, and you also like this film, but can you know what her focus is on when chatting?
If the content of your chat is only:
She said: “This movie is super romantic, and I cried so badly after watching it.”
You said, “I heard that the box office is very good. If you factor in inflation, it is still the number one in movie history.”
Then this chat is probably not saved, this is not a chat at all, it is just a formal greeting, or worse than a greeting.
However, if you ask each other: “Which part of the movie do you like best?”
“If you can choose, do you want to be Jack or Rose?”
If you were Rose, and after many years you found out that Jack was not dead, would you choose to continue the lead?
By bringing the situational atmosphere and asking questions, making each other need to make choices, and explaining each other’s choices, you will start to see: “It turns out that she views love this way, and her view of love is very romantic to death. , Will stand up for the beloved in a critical moment.” She will also see: “This boy does not have the romance of Jack, but he has the innocence of Jack. He did not choose to continue his career, but to live a good family life. , Really interesting, seems to be a very moral person.”
Don’t be tied up by your interest
Don’t be tied up by your interest, which limits the ability of people who you feel “same interest” to communicate. In-depth communication between people depends on the correct way of chatting. In this world, there are many people who obviously have the same interests, but because of different values, they can’t make friends at all, or even dislike each other.
However, there are also people who have different interests and positions, and even have conflicts of interest, but because of deep-seated philosophies, they accidentally become friends. Interest itself is just a medium. For example, you have an interest in rock climbing and cooking, so you can join the club through this interest and get to know your fellows. Interest is like a ticket.
The holder of the ticket can enter the banquet without any doubt. Through it, you can have a more natural and purposeless open chat with strangers. After chatting, you will gradually recognize everyone in a deeper level. The value of the relationship is also unfolded from this.
When making friends, don’t be limited by not having common interests! Common topics and interests are just to help you get started, so that you don’t get too dry when you chat. There are some ready-made materials that can be used, but you need to chat in depth and open up heart-to-heart communication. How to talk and how to talk is really important.
