What are the Pros and Cons for Living Together Before Getting Married
Cohabitation before marriage (cohabitation before marriage) has been and is generally chosen. Economic problems , for convenience reason, etc. are all reasons for our premarital cohabitation relationship. We Gradually understand the true meaning of cohabitation.
Today, let’s talk about cohabitation before marriage.
1. Cohabitation disrupts the natural progression of a relationship.
Sometimes a relationship that seems to be developing in a healthy way actually hides some problems that even the lovers themselves do not notice. Cohabitation, on the other hand, means joint financial expenditure, more emotional investment, stricter constraints, and a more intimate and serious relationship.
These constraints make it more difficult to “leave a cohabiting relationship” than “leave a non-cohabiting relationship.” Therefore, many cohabiting couples know that the two parties are not completely suitable for marriage, but they have to keep going. What they miss may be the opportunity to learn about other possible and more suitable love objects.
2. The experience of cohabitation affects the quality of the relationship.
In the study of Cohan and Klenbaum (2002), the couples who participated in the experiment first asked each of them a problem that existed in the relationship and bothered them, such as: time with company, money to share, etc. The two sides then had a 15-minute discussion.
Immediately afterwards, they will each share their personal life challenges, such as quitting smoking and not exercising. Partners engage in discussions and respond based on their own ideas.
The researchers analyzed the subjects’ language, behavior, expressions, etc. based on the four discussions recorded by video and audio, and gave them scores on various indicators. According to the scores, the researchers analyze the state of communication, problem solving and other aspects of the two people in the relationship.
They found that couples who had lived together before marriage were more likely to use controlling, coercive, and passive responses when discussing conflicts in their relationship, such as using verbal violence to threaten, attack, and criticize each other. They are also more likely to take a passive and hostile attitude when they seek support from, or provide support to, their partners. For example, they may be dissatisfied with the advice the other person offers, or they may be less willing to offer genuine support to the other person.
3. The two passed the test of the running-in pain period, and finally achieved a positive result.
Cohabitation must be sweet at the beginning, two people can finally get tired of being together at any time, you are thick and I am thick and have unlimited sex until dawn. But of course, there will be all kinds of frictions in life, such as why you don’t squeeze toothpaste from the back, you always stay up late and turn on the lights to affect my sleep, you don’t do housework… and so on.
But because the values are not far apart, they are willing to communicate with each other, and actively find ways to improve… These differences in life can be adjusted before marriage: if the habit of squeezing toothpaste cannot be changed, then use your own toothpaste; stay up late It is not good for the body in the first place. You slowly adjust the bad habit of staying up late; the housework begins to divide the labor and learn how to do the housework. In the end, the run-in was successful, and the two happily held hands to get married.
4. After cohabitation, the original form was revealed, and the relationship came to an end.
Because after living together for a long time, many things will appear invisible. For example, you find out that the other party smokes, or that he has many ambiguous girlfriends, or that he is a mother’s treasure, and you have to deal with everything at home. These frictions in life and shortcomings in personality will soon be exposed because of cohabitation, which will make both parties understand each other better, and make both parties hate each other more, causing many quarrels and dissatisfaction, and the relationship will eventually come to an end.
5. It’s not bad and it’s not good. So what’s next?
After living together, I found that the other party was not bad, but it did not meet the standard you want to marry him, so the two of them kept spending time. On the one hand, it is hard to say goodbye, after all, the other party has not done anything that touches your bottom line; on the other hand, it is also expected that the other party will suddenly change one day and become the ideal marriage partner in his mind. Cohabitation with this negative attitude is actually not rare, and most of the cohabitation time will be very long.
In Conclusion:
Cohabitation relationships are uncertain and ambiguous. The cohabitation relationship is not bound by social norms, it depends to a large extent only on the maintenance of morality. Cohabitants will feel that cohabitation is a temporary, short-term living state with many unknown factors. Compared to couples, cohabiting couples are more than twice as likely to “feel like relationship problems” in the past year. So before you live together, you must think carefully.
