Speed Dating: 6 Things You Must Consider Before Getting Married
When we face marriage, it is easy to get overwhelmed, thinking that as long as two people love each other enough, they can enter into marriage and live their lives sweetly. But imagination is beautiful, reality is cruel, marriage is much more complicated than love.
In our Chinese concept, marriage is not a matter of two people, but a matter of two families. Once we enter the marriage, it represents an additional responsibility, and the romance in love will be replaced by the trivial details after marriage.
It is said that marriage is the tomb of love. If you marry the right person, he can shield you from the wind and rain, but if you marry the wrong person, you will find that all the wind and rain are brought by him. It is better to live comfortably by yourself.
But what about marriage is something we can say clearly in a few words, and some things can only be understood by our own personal experience. Today, I have summarized some of the truths about marriage. I hope everyone can think clearly before getting married.
1. Live your life for yourself, don’t compare
In our Chinese consciousness, life is basically not lived for ourselves, but for others to see, as if our life is better than others, we can “superior others”.
However, people who are often comparing their lives with others do not live well, because they are not pursuing a life that is suitable for them, so they are divorced from the reality of their family, and ultimately lead to the breakdown of family life.
I envy how other people’s lives are always so harmonious and beautiful, while my own family is always full of feathers. But what we see is only the appearance of things, isn’t it? We only see what other people want to show us, and we don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors?
We are always envious of the happy life of others, but we never look back to see what our own life is like. Maybe our life is being envied and looked up to by others.
2. The Biggest Lie: Being Happy When You Get Married
In fact, in the concept of our Chinese people, everyone tacitly believes in a “lie”: if you get married, you will be happy.
But can you really be happy when you are married? I don’t think you even believe it yourself. According to the results of the China Marriage Survey, only 29% of women can feel heartfelt happiness after marriage, 56% of marriages are just doable, and even 13% of women, for them, marriage is a hell door.
Because we didn’t know much about our other half before marriage, but because it was suitable, and because we subconsciously told us “just get married”, we chose to get married. However, it was too late to discover the other party’s bad habits after marriage.
3. Distinguish between the new family and the family of origin
There are two kinds of creatures that make people “frightened” in marriage: Phoenix Man and Fudi Demon. Often these two kinds of people are very easy to destroy a marriage relationship. why? The fundamental reason is that they are not separated from their own family of origin.
What you need to understand is that when the two of you get married, you have formed a new family, and the members of this family will only have your children, not your parents. Your parents’ home and your own home are two completely separate families that should never be confused.
And you have to put the demands of your small family first and give priority to meeting them. And don’t always bring the trivial things of your native family into your family, or even favor one over the other. That’s what “Fudi Demon” said.
When your respective families of origin encounter difficulties and need help, you must not make decisions by yourself. The husband and wife must negotiate together to be fair and just. If you help sneakily, it will only lead to conflicts in your small family.
4. The economic base determines the superstructure
In high school, there is a sentence in ideological and political textbooks: the economic base determines the superstructure. This is the sentence I remember the most clearly, because other big truths don’t come true with this sentence.
Nowadays, when many people talk about marriage, they will first look at each other’s conditions, whether they have a car or a house, and then decide whether to be together. Then someone will say: “Girls nowadays are really material, can’t they get married if they don’t have a car or a house?”
But I think that knowing the other party’s financial situation before marriage is just a manifestation of being responsible for both parties. It is better to express your needs clearly at the beginning than when you are deeply in love, and it is much better to be forced to break up because of material conditions. Bar.
And everyone’s pursuit of life is different, material is the standard that can best reflect whether both of you are suitable.
5. Know a little more about marriage law and know how to protect your rights
Before getting married, you should at least know a little about marriage law, what is the matter with pre-nuptial property, how to protect your legal rights if there is a problem in your marriage, and what does a marriage certificate mean?
I have a lot of junior high school and high school classmates who rush into marriage with the person they like before they reach the legal age. In their conception, as long as they have a banquet, they are husband and wife even if the marriage certificate is not required. Sorry, without that red book, you are not husband and wife.
6. Must live together before marriage
After marriage, you will find out how important it is to live together before marriage. If you do not live together, then at least make sure to spend a long time with each other.
The running-in between partners does not start after marriage, but it has already been carried out when they are in love. Do you understand each other’s temper, do you understand each other’s growth environment and experience, do you understand each other’s living habits, can you understand and communicate with each other when you get along, can you accept each other’s shortcomings and tolerate…
You must understand these issues before marriage. If you think about understanding after marriage, you may be too naive. Love can stop losses in time, but marriage can cost more than love.
