How can I find a partner that really suits me – Avoid Making These Mistakes
How can I find a partner that really suits me? This issue involves many aspects, we have already started to produce related content, and will gradually discuss with you more. But until then, knowing which “minefields” need to be avoided may be crucial. Therefore, today we are with you in replying to 10 mistakes that must be avoided when choosing a partner.
Is there anything in this world better than the “fatal attraction” of a new relationship? When hormones take control of you, you plunge into that dreamy world full of beauty and hope, can’t wait to invest and give, and even make a lifetime promise.
If you don’t want to feel the heavy blow from reality after you wake up, you must take care to avoid the following mistakes:
1. Ignore some details of the other party’s bad behavior signals
This may be the most important principle for establishing a new relationship. Countless people who are divorced and heartbroken will say, “I should have known earlier. In fact, I knew it a long time ago. I just don’t realize it…”
Don’t be stubborn. If you have noticed some bad signs—angry about trivial things, your tendency to belittle you, a little lie, an irresponsible behavior—what you should do is to confront the other person as soon as possible. Don’t pretend as if nothing happened. Ask your partner and give him a chance to explain but don’t accept crappy excuses.
Small signs of bad behavior usually develop into major problems in the relationship. If you always deliberately don’t care about these bad behavior signals, you can only say that you are destined to cause trouble for yourself.
2. Commitment made solely by emotional impulse
Love without passion is incomplete. Feeling the deep love of the other party can keep the relationship going. However, passion alone is not enough. Whether an intimate relationship can develop smoothly requires far more elements than passion.
Hannah Eagle’s research (Dating, Relating and Mating online program) found that there are four primary areas that determine the harmonious and smooth development of a relationship: physiological passion, common values, common ideals, and matching communication styles. (To put it simply, two people have to be on the same page). Without any part, your intimate relationship may have serious problems.
3. Choose someone who has a completely different way to communicate with others
Every day, every small interaction can reflect their own communication style. It is normal for people to have differences. The question is, can you adapt to your partner’s style and approach? Are you really responsive to the party without being driven mad? Don’t think that you can learn to deal with these in the long-term. Learn to deal with these first, and then consider developing a long-term and serious relationship with the other party, otherwise don’t choose this person.
4. Stay with people with different values
If you have a relationship with the person who has different values from you, that would be very painful, for example, If you are driven by money and success but she is driven by the need for learning and the need for spirit. You values safety and security; but she values adventure and freedom. You are an atheist; she is a Catholic. She pays attention to health and wellness; but you love pizza and beer. He wants to keep learning all his life; she is a party animal.
Each of us makes decisions based on our own values. Couples often need to make decisions together, and conflicting values can lead to conflicting relationships. Conflicting relationships can put a lot of pressure on you.
Don’t think that you can gradually change the other person’s values. Don’t think that you can gradually change the other person’s values. Don’t think that you can gradually change the other person’s values. The important thing is said three times. It is almost impossible for things to develop according to your plan. Find someone who shares the same values with you.
5. Choose to ignore the chemistry issue
You might think that if two people “do not have chemistry” is fine, but in fact, many people will deliberately ignore this lack of physical attraction in order to maintain a stable relationship.
They will say to themselves: “Slowly feeling will be cultivated.”
no, it can’t. Don’t expect to develop feelings slowly.
“Feeling” can be easily noticed in the early stages of a relationship. A hug, a hand in hand, or even just smelling each other’s scent, you will obviously feel it. You don’t need to “think” whether you feel about a person at all. Although chemical reaction is not necessarily true love, if there is no feeling of chemical reaction, love obviously does not exist.
6. Take risks financially
If you want to be together, both of you should have good financial situation. My suggestion is: solve the money problem first, and then take your relationship to the next stage. After all, it is difficult for you to build a common life without money. To make matters worse, you have no way to prove that in your relationship, you will be able to ensure economic stability.
If your partner is the cause of your financial difficulties, in other words, if your partner cannot maintain a job or earn money, don’t expect this situation to slowly change after you are together. Sometimes a relationship can also be understood and accepted from the beginning that only one party may be responsible for making money in the future.
7. Ignore the need to maintain distance
Establish the boundaries between the two parties in advance. You are an independent individual and you need time to be alone. You will have different interests from each other, your own friends, your own family, and personal hobbies. When you merge your life with another person, you are part of the two people’s community. But at the same time, you still retain your independence. This needs to be respected by both parties.
If you don’t set the boundaries at the beginning, it will only become more and more difficult over time. You don’t need to do everything with each other. You don’t need to like the same things forever. It’s okay to separate occasionally! It’s OK to be separate some of the time. When you need your own time, you should enjoy your own time. Make sure that your partner is strong enough to cope with your temporary need of your own time. Otherwise, as you continue to sacrifice personal desires throughout your life, you are likely to become resentful.
8. Make excuses to forgive the other person for bad behavior
Don’t underestimate the other person’s bad behavior toward others. A visitor once told me that she was married to a bully. In her naive thoughts, she thought that it didn’t matter if the fiance was mean and rude to others, as long as he was strong enough to protect her. But after getting married, she was shocked to find that she had become the main target of violence by the other party. For several years, she walked on thin ice, worried that she would be abused if she did anything wrong. In the end she divorced after exhausting difficulties.
Ask yourself, do you want to become the object of your partner’s current behavior one day-trust me, one day it will be your turn.
9. Hope that the future will be better and always justify the other party’s past
Everyone has a past. Do you know your partner’s past? –You should know. What’s interesting is that most people share their past with each other prematurely, even on their first date. In fact, there should be a foundation of friendship between two people, rather than directly entering these deeper levels.
If someone wants to talk to you about his various historical problems and struggles in life on the first date, the things he talks about—even the act of talking about them—is something worthy of your vigilance. signal of.
In any case, your partner’s past will greatly affect his future. If that future is about you, you need to know how much they have solved their past problems-and whether they have actually solved them. Financial difficulties, past emotional problems (abandonment, betrayal, abuse), legal disputes-these will all have an impact on the present.
