How to go from friend to lover – Step by Step in 3 months
How to go from friend to lover – Step by Step in 3 months
In a friend relationship, when you have developed feelings beyond friendship, hope not only to be friends, but the other party does not know your feelings, or is satisfied with the status of just being friends, and is unwilling to take a step forward. Then, you have fallen into a state called “Friend Zone” in psychology.
What is Friend Zone?
FriendZone refers to: in a friendship relationship, one party has already developed feelings beyond friendship and hopes to be more than just friends; while the other party does not know the relationship of this party, or is satisfied with the status quo of only being a friend, and is unwilling to take a step forward. Then, this party fell into the Friend Zone.
When one party wants to get more in the relationship between two people, but the other party is unwilling, it is very tormenting. Sometimes, this kind of torture will come from unsatisfied sex; sometimes a possible relationship has already occurred, but the status quo of friends is not satisfied, and they want to develop into a stable partnership.
Why You Fell into Friend Zone?
Research has found that the reason why both parties are still in this state (rather than immediately becoming lovers) is probably because:
The other person wants to keep friends with you out of respect;
It may also be because you are quite different in appearance, or you haven’t been together for long enough;
It may also be because you have known each other for so long that it has become a relationship that is “familiar” and “safe” but lacks “desire”. Research points out that intimacy and desire are a pair of contradictory relationships. There is a high sense of intimacy between good friends. Intimacy is a feeling of familiarity and security. But the desire and longing that belong to love are a kind of feeling that requires danger, mystery, and strangeness. Sometimes, some people feel that they “have no feeling” for their good friends because of this.
How to get rid of Friend Zone and change from a friend to a lover?
1. Break the inherent impression you left on the other side in the past
In many cases, when some people fall in love with their friends, they will be very restrained in their emotions and performance, and will not let go of pursuit. On the one hand, it is for the purpose of being considerate of each other, not wanting to put pressure on each other, which affects the friendship between each other. On the other hand, because the two people have formed a very fixed mode of getting along, they also have a fixed role in the life of the other person. I find it difficult to break, and I am worried that the other person will find it difficult to accept the change.
But in fact, this approach often makes the other person feel that your feelings are not important, and it also makes the other person feel that you don’t have much desire.
At the same time, we also mentioned the tension between intimacy and desire. If you can express your emotions boldly, there will be some new interaction modes between you, and you will also bring some new impressions to the other party. It is conducive to the other person to get to know you from a new perspective, bringing a sense of strangeness and excitement that inspires “desire”.
2. Don’t be hungry
It sounds contradictory to the first point. On the one hand, you have to boldly express your emotions, but this does not mean that you should be entangled or show love very frequently. Don’t act as if there is only one person left in the world, it will make you less attractive. Express your appreciation generously and show your self-confidence. Your speech and behavior will naturally express your attitude.
3. Consider the difference between friendship and love
You need to confirm whether you and the other person have the same understanding of love, and ask yourself if you are willing to be the kind of partner that the other person wants. This is a kind of communication you never had when you were friends.
Love is the feeling that you always miss that person, you won’t be happy without the person, but friendship is never like that, friendship is having fun when playing together, and being happy when separated, this is friendship.
Having fun when playing together, apart from the pain, this is love.
The relationship between people is like a glass of water. Over time, the water in the glass will gradually rise. When the water overflows, the critical point may be the development of friendship into love, so the boundary between love and friendship may be It depends on how you control the critical point of your relationship.
4. Do some physical touch
For many people, an obvious difference between friends and lovers is the way they touch each other. There are both friend touch and lover touch, but the boundary between the two varies from person to person. Don’t always wait for others to take the initiative to contact you. If you like the other party, you can be a little bit out of the ordinary. But once the other party shows unwillingness to accept, please respect the other party and stop immediately. Touching others decently is to show that you find them attractive to you, and it also shows your self-confidence. These will make the other person find you attractive. But this definitely does not mean that you should kiss or hug each other forcefully, just some light physical touch.
5. Let the other person help
Asking someone you like to do something for you will make the other person like you more. This is the Franklin effect. If the other person invests more in this relationship, he will like your relationship more. Don’t just give for the other person, sometimes let the other person give something, they will cherish you and the relationship with you even more.
6. Don’t tie yourself to someone who doesn’t feel about us
If you feel that your appearance matches, or the time spent together is long enough, after you have followed the above steps, you have not shown the personality of a good old man, and you are sure that you and her hope are a kind of love, and you have also made some extraordinary touches. Touch and wait, but the other party still hopes to be only friends. At this time, is it reasonable to spend time on this friendship? When you see each other dating someone, you must be very tortured. The best way is to downgrade this relationship to an acquaintance. The other person may feel a little inexplicable and will blame you for not treating them as friends, but you have to remember that you cannot control your feelings or other people’s feelings. You can only stay away from the other person and find someone who really feels about you.
