Love needs sensibility and relationships need rationality

Many single people want to start a relationship, but they are very scared, afraid of meeting bad people, or losing themselves in love, losing themselves and freedom. These are all bad performances, and it is normal to worry. Many people hope to have a good relationship, but what is a good love?

Psychologist Carl Rogers said: “When a love makes you lose yourself and no longer grow up, you should leave.” If you talk about relationships for many years, you will always be depressed, inferior, and melancholy. This feeling can’t bring you anything. It also damages your energy and makes you very pessimistic and negative. Then you should change or leave.

Song Zhongji and Song Hye Kyo divorced. The “love fairy tale” of one pair for a lifetime is shattered again. Song Zhongji said that he would guard Song Hye Kyo forever; Fan Bingbing said that Li Chen is her eternal waiter; please forget these unreliable oaths; the only one who truly accompanies you all the way is…Promises are not counted, oaths are not reliable, what else can defend our marriage and love?

There is a saying that only changes in this world will never change.

Time is changing, the world is changing, and people are changing. Is there no more eternal love in the world? Nowadays, the divorce rate continues to rise, fast-food love is emerging one after another, and “empty-shell” marriages abound. We can’t help asking: my love, what’s wrong with our love? What should be used to save our intimacy? The world-famous psychologist Jeff Allen tells us in the book “Secrets of Intimacy”: Love is not an instantaneous heart, it needs time, but more effort.

There is no easy way to true love, and a good relationship is never accidental.

Love requires not only passion, but also a “brain.”

Love needs sensibility, but relationships need rationality. Love is the foundation of a relationship, but it is not all. If there is only love and not knowing how to love, it will only end up hurting both sides. The relationship without the brain will only make everyone more tired and tired. In the end, it will inevitably go from love to hate. What a pity.

We can’t fully understand our partner. In fact, we are all changing. The one second you are different from the next second. You before reading this article and you after reading this article are also different from before. In an intimate relationship, we need to let each other grow up with each other’s time, and the act of facilitating the growth can only kill the feelings in the cradle of growth.

Love can never be justified. If you say “the harder you work, the luckier you are; the more you give, the more you gain” in the workplace, then in love, the opposite is true. Often “the harder you work, the less you can’t”; “the more you give, the more disappointed.”

Intimacy is a perfect design

Everyone has a small black room in their heart, which is our subconscious mind. Whenever we have pain and grievances, we will quietly hide and seal these feelings and throw them into our small black room. Part of these pains comes from the original family, part comes from the confrontation with the outside world in the process of growing up, and part comes from the contradiction with self.

As we grow up, we will forget these painful events, but when faced with similar scenes, our feelings and emotions will resurface. “If you want to enjoy the sweetness of love, you must endure its troubles and pains at the same time.”

In fact, it is not because of love that there are troubles and pains. Pain has always existed. The partner is not the root cause of our pain. It is just the emotional stimulation brought by the partner that opened our little black room and let us once again see the past. Hurts. If these “former pains” can speak, I think they will definitely say:

When you were a child, you were not able to face us, so we were locked in a little black room. We don’t blame you. Now that you have grown up, you have the ability to face me, so hurry up and deal with us, we don’t want to stay anymore. In the little black room.

The meaning of intimacy is: to re-extract the pain you hide in your subconscious bit by bit, so that you have a chance to face it again and re-examine it. This process takes time, and it also requires us to keep repeating it to clean up the emotional garbage from the past bit by bit.

So don’t be anxious and allow yourself time to deal with these emotions. After all, it has been stored in your subconscious mind for many years, how can it be possible to get rid of them in a day or two?

The psychologist Jung also spent half his life to perceive and clear his subconscious.A good relationship between the sexes allows both parties to grow together and become better.

The growth mentioned here is not about transforming each other to meet their own expectations by personal standards, but relying on each other’s love to stimulate each other’s potential and encourage each other to become the person he most wants to be.

If we are superstitious in the “perfect love arranged by heaven” and hope for a perfect relationship once and for all without making any effort, then we will never experience this wonderful growth.